Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
