you traded sex for a burrito?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
