dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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