I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
