Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
