I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
