i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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