Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
