you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
