Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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