if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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