This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
