yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
