Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
