So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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