yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
