i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
