I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize