i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want a musical about memes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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