By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
