I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
