I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
