They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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