WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
