Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
