so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
