this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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