The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
