i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
