And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
