There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
