just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
