Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sext me about skeletons
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
