Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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