the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
