Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
