Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
