Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
