A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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