dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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