Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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