She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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