My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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