I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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