if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
