so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
