Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
