You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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