She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
