I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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