my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
