and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
