mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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