Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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