I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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