I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
