So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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