She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize