just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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