I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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